The bell is calling for the midnight hour. Empty space in front of me, floating and dreaming in an unreal world feeded by the forgetful. What is left when we lost it all? There is a personal apocalypse for everyone outside. All those dreams creating a masacre for your mind, torturing your heart and sould every single night.
Are we empty shells wandering around an empty space of our own little inane cage of redemption?
Within my dream I was riding the train. I stood within one rail car, filled with people. Lost in their own little thoughs. No Theres been a distractive noise, clear and deep. People were staring into nowhere, thinking about what they are going to do next, what someone thinks of someone else. The whole szenario didnt seemed to be very exciting, beside the way it got cold in there. Freezing, in a way of oddity. the noise got harsher, loud and uncomfortable. No one noticed, people just got this empty look in their eyes, no sparkling, just thoughs. Pure toughts and so many of those. You couldnt hear them, but you could feel, a pressure made of iciness. The pressure got stronger.
Suddenly the train just stopped. Everyone was staring at me. Cold blue eyes all over the place and the compression within that room got stronger. I couldnt breath, every breath did hurt. It was the same feeling we have, when our heart is broken. When every organ within your chest contracts into a insufferable pain. Now all those wooly thoughts where flashing my mind and heart, ripping it apart. thoughts of fear, incertitute and loss.
Then i caught myself screaming out loud, crying and whining: "The more I know of this world, as less I want to be part of it, live in it or could stand it!"
What do we really fear? Dont we fear ourselves the most of anything else? Do we fear our thoughts? Do we fear what we know of this world?
We are lost, lost within ourselves and our own thoughts and helpless to deal with them by our own. Instead of dealing with it we reflect them into others. Isnt falling in love just trying to find ourselves in somebody else? As soon as we realize we failed, our whole self conciousness is getting lost and we are floating in a blackhole again.
So our brain automaticly starts to react in selective amnesia, trying to forget the details of every moment that could hurt us. Betraying ourselves and memories. All those little gaps we got out of that are gonna be filled with ideals or blurry pictures of a vage self. The picture gets cloudy, the memory unclear. So we turn into emty shells filled with ideals, phobias and anything that results in adulthood.
Where are those little miracles, we used to notice when we were untouched with a spotless mind?
by
Ériu
year: 2050
condition: sedate
place: Tuatha
2 comments:
This has really got me thinking. Why would we want to find ourselves in somebody else? Don't we get enough of ourselves as it is? I think that we do fear ourselves, and we fear our own thoughts. I'm always thinking about the future, and I'm dead scared of what the future has in store for me. So why do I think about the future all the time? Why do I put myself in constant fear?
Because thats something to keep us alive. We just notice nuances between extremes. On one side we are searching for love, on the other one fear. Thats how we know we are still alive.
Everyone is afraid of the unknown, whats coming up, because it could be over every second. The most we are afraid of the future is, what did we miss out in the past.
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